Here is not a little, but a lot about me. I am currently a retired disabled Air Force veteran with over 20 years of service in the active duty and Air National Guard. I don’t feel disabled, but according to the Department of Defense and Department of Veterans Affairs I am 70% disabled due to having Complex PTSD, Extreme Anxiety, and Extreme Depression. These are the gifts that keep on giving. My issues stem primarily from not getting help after some traumatic actions I took, saw, or allowed to happen on a deployment to Port Au Prince Haiti for Operations Restore and Uphold Democracy. After a decade and more of being a military and civilian policeman, as well as a Chaplain’s Assistant and being responsible for the security and safety of over 3,000 stock brokers and support staffs all over the country, my brain had finally had enough apparently.
This is the first time I have publicly outed myself as having mental illness. Again I don’t feel ill, but it is clear to me I have issues that I could not contain, control, or fix on my own. It is still embarrassing to me, and I may or may not discuss what situations exactly caused all this, but I feel if I’m blogging about me mostly, I should be honest as I can if I feel like it.
Through my high school football days, civilian and military vehicle accidents, a ground burst simulator exploding near my head, some bad hockey hits and falls, and a knockout fall down my own stairs, I’ve had several diagnosed and undiagnosed concussions. Adding to PTSD which causes memory problems of its own, I have some serious short, medium, and long term memory and focus issues.
In the civilian sector I have been a police officer in some of the poorest as well as poshest areas of St. Louis MO, a Classified Computing Security Specialist with a large defense contractor, and a Corporate Security Manager with a national financial firm. A bit of a convoluted career path, but I still just can’t decide what I want to be when I grow up.
I was born in St. Louis, MO to a sailor in the US Navy and his high school sweetheart. My dad was actually stationed in San Diego, CA but they wanted to have me at “home” in St. Louis. As soon as I was born we went back to California where we lived until I was 10 years old. My dad had just returned from a year in Vietnam on a jungle River Patrol Boat. He apparently did not come home the same. My mom worked as a bank teller. We moved back to St. Louis in 1982 for reasons I may or may not choose to talk about as this blog goes on.
As a little kid in southern California we lived very near the beach and were there as often as possible or on the water. I have tried to get as far away from St. Louis as possible my entire adult life. I joined the Air Force promptly at 18 and asked them to send me as far away from here as possible, anywhere on the planet. They sent me to Scott AFB, IL which is about 40 min or so from St. Louis. Every attempt to leave since has gone about the same.
Currently just outside of St. Louis I reside with my high school sweetheart whom I’ve been married to for 26 years. We’ve been through about every marital problem you can think of and once in awhile I may be bold enough to offer some marriage advice. We have three children. A 26 year old daughter who has married, moved away, and had a child of her own. And then we have our two sons 10 and 12, who will inspire many of my blog posts I am just sure.
As far as my politics go, I will start by saying I’ve learned these days it seems very difficult to have a civil discussion on the matter. I have zero desire to get into heated arguments or personally insulting rants. I believe life is too short and our society has become way too divided and angry. If you must know, I am a pretty conservative guy in most facets of the word. I do not hate any one group of people. I do not hate Hillary or Trump, but I dislike Hillary very much more than I dislike Trump. Actually I am positive I dislike Hillary Clinton more than any other living being. I just really don’t want to argue about it.
I am a registered Republican only because there has never been a viable Libertarian candidate. That’s really where I land in the political spectrum. I believe in a very tiny Federal government that keeps its big nose out of my life. I don’t want the government to have any say over where my money goes, who I marry, or how many guns I own or don’t own. I believe the Federal government was established to protect us from our enemies by protecting our borders, not running around the world policing other countries. I believe it should protect our freedom of speech, press, and religion and that’s pretty much it.
Religion? Well I hate it. That probably doesn’t mean what you think it means. I am a devout follower in my own way of Jesus Christ whom I wholeheartedly believe is my Lord and Savior. I do not believe in denominations, churches, or church people. I do not believe in judging non Christian people or using any religion as a reason for war or violence or exclusion. I also do not believe in using religion as an excuse to break the law. There are good churches and good church people, but eventually in my experience I have found they will let you down in their dishonesty and or hypocrisy. That is a very harsh, but very general statement. I do not mean ALL. My favorite people to discuss Jesus with are the honest sinners. The really jacked up people like me.
I love hockey especially youth hockey. I also hate hockey and especially youth hockey. I love music and I believe it is God’s gift to us in every way and can heal or at least help you through every situation. I love Jeeps. I love spending money on Jeeps. I love working on Jeeps, talking about Jeeps and I love pushing Jeeps as hard as they can go. I love beer, but only really good beer that often comes with the label of “craft beer.” I love Star Wars and comic books and the movies and toys that come with them and I am well aware I am too old for such things, but I don’t care.
All that said, I worry way too much about how other people perceive me and if I’ve said anything to offend them. I will lay awake at night worrying if I’ve hurt someone’s feelings, so blogging I think is going to be very challenging for me. It may not even last more than a couple days.
I am overweight and have fought that my entire life. I may talk about diets, workouts, etc. I will definitely harshly judge various archetypes at Gold’s gym unfairly and hypocritically. I love dogs we currently have two, and I very much dislike cats as I believe they are the preferred pet of Satan and will suck your breath out while you sleep if given the chance. I read it in a Stephen King book, so I know it’s true. Plus they’re just kind of A-holes.
Anyhow, in a big nutshell that’s where I am coming from.
Jacked Up Dad 